I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
