I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I look better un-naked...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
two words: eviction party
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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