you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize