brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
