I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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