I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
