I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
