Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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