I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
