Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize