You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
