jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
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I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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