Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His nipple licking is glorious
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