What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
nutella sex= disaster
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
