Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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