I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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