You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
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just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
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I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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