I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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