He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize