he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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