But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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