STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
