Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
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the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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