Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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