I'm eating all of the evidence.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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