wrigley field is MILF paradise
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
