I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
