I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
