i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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