But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
