Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
