Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
