I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
