he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
