I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
