i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
