This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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