Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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