i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
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I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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