Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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