you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
