I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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