we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
