Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
