I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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