dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
