I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
