You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
