Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
