Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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