you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
