How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You left your phone here
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