he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
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