Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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