I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Randomize
