Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
