i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize