I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
