it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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