The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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