I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Can I color on your dick again?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
