I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
