I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
