my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
