Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
