I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
