Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
