That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
