I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
