I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
