shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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