i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
