why didn't you poke me back
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
