just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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